Why I Ate a Sh!t Ton of McDonalds When I Wasn’t Hungry
My first ever memory of going to McDonald’s is when I was a shy little blond haired blue-eyed boy waiting in line in my father’s arms:
“Wanna try some of my shake?” he asked.
“Yea”, I responded. He offered me the straw and I took a sip. “Good, huh?” He said in fatherly fashion by answering the question for me. “Yea” I said quietly.
Here is the truth:
I never tasted it. I wanted to so badly, but the shake was so thick nothing ever came through the straw. I couldn’t understand why he liked it so much. “Want more?” he asked, “No thank you” I said.
Eventually, my cheek muscles developed and I learned why shakes were so unbelievable. There are many factors throughout my life that have also contributed to my love affair with McDonalds, including Happy Meals, the Dollar Menu, the DCB vs. McDouble debate, and late night post beer pong drive thru trips in high school. McDonalds has been a soundtrack to my life, except instead of distant music, the golden arches were always close by, ready to take my order.
I still love it today even as a 31 year old health conscious man, but now I know that it’s not a wise choice to eat in high volume or frequency. I’m no longer in my high school glory days when I could rip through 7 cheeseburgers and then go to football practice.
When I choose to eat it now, it’s typically during trips to Vegas or after a night at the club. While being victimized by the affordable availability of McDonalds is certainly funny to joke about, I’m never proud of myself the next day. Whenever I’m about to commit, I guilt trip myself with an internal scolding as if my mom were in my head:
“Ok, Daniel, you know this isn’t healthy. You really shouldn’t be spending money to get fatter. Enjoy it, because it’s not going to happen again any time soon”.
To minimize this nonsense, I’ve stuck to a default order for the past few years that I’ve gradually fine tuned to maximize enjoyment, while minimizing the unnecessary calorie and GMO intake. (FYI, my default order: 1 DCB, 1 McChicken, 6 piece nuggets w/ sweet & sour sauce).
I’ve always assumed that if I’m allowing myself a cheat day, then I need to manage it to limit the ill effects. Although it does prevent me from ordering uncontrollably at 2 am, it just postpones the inevitable fast food craving until next time.
The following is the story when I told the voice in my head to shut the F up and ate a ton of McDonald’s to see what would happen.
The Story
Tuesday night, 9 pm and I’m driving around LA. As a Lyft driver, McDonalds is your savior and here’s why: free bathrooms, open 24/7, $1 coffee, and they are EVERYWHERE. You don’t realize how many of them there are until you’ve doomed yourself into a career of sitting in LA traffic. If there isn’t one in sight, you bet your ass there’s a billboard close by or a city bus crossing in front of your face advertising 2 for $4 McMuffins just up the street on Wilshire Blvd.
All the exposure and well-placed marketing is hard for a McDonalds lover to ignore, especially during the low times like this particular evening. You know when you’re so bored and disinterested that you yawn until you start crying? That was me as I drove around aimlessly waiting for a passenger to call. It seemed like all of my life problems surfaced as I was driving alone in the darkness trying to make some money and failing miserably. All I wanted to do is sleep or eat until I passed out.
The energy in my life was totally sucking. It didn’t make sense to quit driving since I’d made $0 so far on the night, and I’d already eaten dinner 3 hours ago. Instead of tolerating the low morale of the moment, I decided to shake things up by saying: “You know what? F*ck it I’m going to McDonalds”.
I turned into the McD’s lot that was conveniently located to my left and parked my car. I stormed up to the counter ready to place a banger of an order by getting some of those billboard items that never qualified for my default selection. They called my number, I sat down in the dining area, ate all my food in under 10 minutes, then carried on with my life.
Here is my actual order:
Why did I do it?
(in order of most relevant reason)
- Reason #1: I wanted to test out a theory.
I read a book last year called “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. It’s about staying present in the current moment (the Now) and how it can fix almost any problem you have. One of the theories was about how to fix the phases when you’re stuck in a rut and you can’t get your shit together, like if you’ve been putting off some errands because you can’t get off the couch. The key is acceptance and allowing yourself to go fully into your mood. Be the laziest, most useless and unmotivated person you can possibly be. The idea is to surrender to your feelings, do whatever is required to conquer it, and then you can fully move past it.
Like in my case, if you want to eat McDonalds, then accept it and go hard AF and eat all the McDonalds you can handle. It’s better to satisfy your need right now so you can move on from it, otherwise it will continue to linger.
- Reason #2: To change the energy level.
We are all responsible for our own energy level. If the vibe sucks, we are capable of changing it. When things aren’t going according to plan, you can switch it up by doing something out of the norm. This could be going to the gym when you’re tired, ordering a salad instead of the burger, or taking a break before you had planned.
When I drive for Lyft it’s because I’m desperate for money, so I don’t take breaks and spend the money I earn on food. And that was exactly the reason why I chose to do it — it wasn’t what I normally do. If the norm isn’t enough, try doing the opposite and see if it results in a better energy.
- Reason #3: To end the never ending McDonalds craving.
I know, I’m gross because I like McDonalds. We all have cravings in some form, and there are numerous ways to satisfy them and get it out of our minds.
I chose to handle mine by eating a lot of different items when I wasn’t hungry. This would satisfy my curiosity to explore new menu items, and make me extra full so I wouldn’t want to do it again anytime soon. I’ve heard of kids getting caught smoking cigarettes, so as punishment, their parents make them smoke an entire pack. It turns you off and makes you understand that cravings are just behavioral and not as necessary as they seem.
- Reason #4: Because I’m a grown up.
I’m an adult living in a free country who can take advantage of the availability of McDonald’s whenever I please.
The Lessons Learned
To all my 30+ year old friends who think they’re 80 — no, I didn’t have a heart attack or gain 10 pounds. Other than being really full with an occasional stinky fart, I felt fine.
Motivation to eat healthy and exercise.
The rest of the week I was turnt up and ready to hit the gym and eat healthy because, well, I ate a ton of McDonalds when it wasn’t necessary. I ate my weekly calories in one night, so naturally I met the challenge of redeeming myself.
Fixed the temptation and energy.
I’m not saying McDonald’s or being fat is the gateway to positive energy, but it did totally transform the direction of my night. After I ate, I wasn’t lethargic anymore and I drove for Lyft for another 3 hours. It was finally busy and I was able to have good conversation with people instead of yawning myself to sleep. As for the temptation, I’ve had no desire to go back there since because I feel like my craving was finally satisfied and I could move onto bigger and better things with my life.
And finally,
There is a difference between fulfilling habits vs. needs.
This applies throughout life, not just with eating. We tend to create rules for ourselves which are often based on our past experience or what we’ve heard from others. We enforce these rules on ourselves with the best of intentions, but just because they’ve worked before doesn’t mean they still result in meeting our needs.
If you’re someone who wants dessert after dinner, then accept it and allow yourself to eat the piece of cake. Don’t guilt trip by allowing yourself one of those bullshit mini ice cream sandwiches each night because all it does is enable a habit without ever satisfying the underlying need.
Instead of putting a limit on yourself, take the time to figure out exactly what your real need is and how to fulfill it. Think about whether or not you’re fulfilling your need at the root, or if you’re just chasing the mirage of habit and prolonging your own satisfaction.
Life is all about accomplishing so you can move on to bigger and better things. Don’t be the one holding yourself back by enabling a habit that will only become a distraction.
